Sorry For The Delay

Sorry for my delay in posts. I have had a challenging past 8 weeks. Let me share one experience with you in particular. The reason I want to share this is that even with as hard as things have been and the physical pain that my body carries. I will never let it get in the way of my family.

Deborah (Carlson) Tatum: March 21, 2009


Thursday: March 19, 2009
Today was special because it was my Aunt’s 52 Birthday. I went to bed at midnight (Wednesday going into Thursday) working on layouts for work, only to wake up at 3 AM because I could not sleep knowing what the next several days were going to bring. Well, what I thought they were going to bring. So at 3 AM I continued working on a website making sure that I did not miss a deadline because I knew I would not be at work for the next couple days. 7 AM approaches, I take a shower and prepare for the day because I knew that it would be long and emotional. Why so long and emotional, I am on my way to see my Aunt Debbie who is dying of cancer. So I leave Dallas to drive to Nocona (which is near Oklahoma, about 2 hours from Dallas). I receive a call from my parents. Some how we time it to where we meet up at the same time to follow each other out to my Aunt’s house. They were driving from Weatherford, TX. The opposite direction from where I was driving. It was great because there are several country roads to get lost on. We make it out to my Aunt’s house. It is about a 2 hour drive there, 4 hour round trip. My brother was going to meet up with me later so he could visit her. Her days were limited. While I was there I learned of a death kit or what is called a comfort kit. This is what you give someone when they are dying. It helps them as they are passing away. I was asked to help with the kit. The kit consists of a cream that one applies for nausea, cream for anxiety and drops that go under the tongue for secretions. One has to wear gloves so that you do not tranquilize yourself. So after being there all day. My parent’s decide to leave. On their way home their tire has a blowout. The good news is they are ok. But man, what the luck, right? So at this point I am still waiting for my brother. Come to find out he went to the ER. I did not know why, I had just found out. I could not believe that all of this was happening. But I still have my faith. I decided that it would be best if I went home Thursday night and come back Friday to stay the night. So I left and on the way I finally spoke with my brother and found out that he was ok. He did get injured but he was alive and well. That night I went home and worked until about 3:15 AM.


Friday: March 20, 2009
I woke up at 6 AM. I knew I needed to get moving but I was exhausted. There was no time for me. I needed to get to my Aunt’s but before I were to get there I had to drive to Weatherford, TX and Fort Worth, TX and then to Nocona. So I get ready and stop by work. I then leave Dallas to Weatherford (hour to and hour and a half drive). While I was in Weatherford I dropped my taxes off and went by my parent’s to get my brother some crutches. He ended up doing something to his ankle. That is why he had gone to the ER the night before. On my way from parent’s I had a tire blowout. Yes, I had a blowout this time. So my Dad called a friend to help change the tire with the spare. The spare had a blowout. YES! The spare had a blowout! At this point I was wondering what forces were against me. I call my mom and she came and picked me up to go get new tires. Finally, four new tires later I was ready to hit the road and finally get to my brother’s house to give him his crutches. So from Weatherford I drive to Fort Worth (45 Minutes to an hour). Needless to say I was worn out but I needed to keep on moving forward. So I visited with my brother and his girlfriend Michelle. While visiting with him I receive a phone call from my mom asking for me to try to be at my Aunt’s house when the hospice nurse arrives. My family was a wreck and really did not understand what was going on. Everyone was stressed out. So I said sure. I left my brother’s house and proceeded on to my Aunt’s. With my hazards on and driving fast but cautiously I knew I needed to be there for my Aunt and for my family. Once again, some how the timing was perfect and I made it on time with the nurse. I went over everything with the nurse to see how my Aunt was doing. Unfortunately, her statistics were down. See, my Aunt has what is called a Tracheotomy. That is a hole in the throat. It is a tube that helps her breathe. She has had it for some time. And when I had arrived, it had not been suctioned out. Which meant she was not getting oxygen. So her oxygen should have been above 90% but it was at 74%. So while I was there we were able to get her to suction it out. Her oxygen levels jumped. The reason I share these details is for all of my friends out there that smoke, all of this is because she smoked. So that Friday I stayed by her side. I did not go to sleep. We watched RoboCops 1,2,3, Craig Ferguson, G4, cartoons and infomercials. In the midst of all of this I helped her suction out her throat three times between 2 AM and 5 AM. The last time had a lot of blood in it, which indicated to me that her time was coming near. And for anyone who has never had to suction out someone’s throat and lungs, it is a very hard thing to watch and do. The sound of it is awful. The amount of mucus that you are suctioning out of their throat and lungs with this machine that you switch on like a lawn mower, it is a rough situation to be in.


Saturday: March 21, 2009
I have not been to bed and that same damn BUMPITS hair accessory commercial had shown for the hundredth time. It was 7 AM and my Aunt had been up all night. I had applied the anxiety cream to her twice to calm her. I was looking at the clock counting down to the next time just so she could remain calm. About this time I hear another one of my Aunt’s waking up. I told her to please be quiet as possible because I just now was able to get my Aunt Debbie rested. So she made herself some coffee and went outside to wake up. Then my Uncle woke up coming in to check on his wife to see how she made it through the night. He loves her very much. My Grandmother was staying at another house across the street. So a bit later I had my Uncle sit with my Aunt Debbie so I could walk over to go get her. As my Grandmother and I were walking back my Grandmother looks at me asks me if she thinks that Debbie is going to pull through this. See my family does not handle death well. My Grandmother was not really grasping what was going on. So we stopped and I held her. She cried and the only thing I could say to her was that she (my Grandmother) was going to out live all of us. And my Grandmother just looked up at the sun and said how beautiful it was. So we walked into the house and my Grandmother sat with her daughter. To backtrack a little, earlier that morning around 7:30 AM I had called my mom and told her what was going on and she had decided to come to Nocona. So I walked my Grandmother inside and she said hello to her daughter. Before my Aunt had progressed to the point she was at, we were prepared for her to pass away in her sleep. Slip into a coma and quietly go to sleep. We were believing this because she had been sleeping a lot during the day. But when nightfall came, that was a different story. It was close to noon that day, my Aunt had her hospital bed set up in the living room. That is where she wanted to pass away. She did not want to die in a hospital. There were no nurses around just family to take care of her. The way she wanted it. I was sitting by beside her on her portable potty. My mom to my left on the couch, my grandmother in front sitting on the recliner, my other Aunt walking around and my Aunt Debbie’s Husband outside just enjoying the time we have with Debbie. At this point and time she was sitting up and talking, awake and aware of what was going on. As we were sitting there I heard this gurgle noise. I looked at my mom. And I heard it again. About that time my Aunt opened her mouth and I noticed her mouth turned red. So I knew then that it was time. So I looked at my Grandmother and asked her to get up and leave the room. I stood up. I turned around and my Aunt coughed, and more blood. So I asked my other Aunt to get my Grandmother out of the room. At the same time I ran over and put on some surgical gloves. I tell everyone to leave the room. In a matter of seconds I turn around and projectile blood is spraying from my Aunt’s throat, nose and mouth. I grab her hand and she looks up at me and says my name. As she says my name blood pours and shoots out of her mouth. I go and grab towels and start covering dodging the blood as it sprays across the bed, the windows, the TV, the room, pooling up on her chest and in the bed. The only way I can describe this is imagine the exorcist but with blood. Her eyes rolling back into her head. She was saying my name. Her tongue rolling out of her mouth. She was squeezing my hand. But I did not let go and I walked her through it and helped her transition. I have never felt so helpless than to watch someone drown in their own blood. I was just my Aunt and I. My mom comes back telling me that she does not want me to do this alone. I tell my mom to start praying. To start saying the Lord’s Prayer. But I do not want her to see what is happening, this is her sister and she is having heart problems herself. My Grandmother tries to come back in. She did not need to see this. So I tell her to grab my arm and tell her from my arm. I tell them to call 9-1-1 or hospice. I am not sure what they were told to do. And of course my mom in her “I like to correct everyone fashion” is saying that we do not call 9-1-1. She was totally missing what I was saying. I was saying call whomever they said to call, it is time. Anyway, blood is still going everywhere and Aunt Debbie’s Husband comes in to say his final good-byes. He can barely do it. He can only stand it for a bit and I tell him I have it from here. He does not need to see her like this. He is about to pass out. My Mom is about to pass out. My other Aunt is about to pass out they are all outside. I called her time of death at 12:49 PM Saturday March 21, 2009. Though my time was not official I will never forget that time and date. So I waited with the body and the blood dripping everywhere with a convulsion here and there. The nurse arrived and called her time of death at 1:13 PM. The nurse pulled me aside and told me she had never see anything like this before. That what we went through was a Trauma and if we need counseling they can offer whatever we need. So during this entire process my Grandmother did not see what happened. But she did want to see Aunt Debbie before the funeral came to pick her up. Because my Aunt wanted to be cremated. So there was not going to be a viewing or anything. So for the next hour and a half to two hours I cleaned my Aunt’s dead body, the blood every where, fixed her hair, put her ring on, her watch on, her glasses on, got her dressed and prepped so my family could view her. Then followed by putting all of the bloody mess in trash bags and carrying them out to be incinerated. During the whole time I did not cry once. I stayed strong for my family. It was heartbreaking to see my Grandmother with my Aunt. My Grandmother came in and sat down by my Aunt’s body. She thought it was breathing and still alive. Then at one point asked me to get my Aunt a blanket because my Aunt was cold. My poor Grandmother was not registering at this point that her daughter had just passed. After all of this I left Nocona and drove to Fort Worth to check on and hang out my cousin. I still had not been asleep. After we hung out for a bit. I drove to Dallas.


Sunday: March 22, 2009
I did not sleep well. But who would after a day like I had. I went and had a massage. I had friends stay with me one after another. The day was a blur.

Monday: March 23, 2009
Called the Doctor to get blood work and a therapist.

Tuesday: March 24, 2009
Went to get my first round of blood work. Apparently when you handle a dead body and blood like that there is a process. So I have to go back in 21 days then in 3 months.

Wednesday: March 25, 2009
I have an appointment with a counselor next Monday March 30, 2009 at 2 PM.